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哈佛大学个人陈述PS三篇优秀范文示例.doc

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哈佛大学个人陈述PS三篇优秀范文示例.doc
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哈佛大学个人陈述 PS 三篇优秀范文示例撰写留学文书最难的部分是 personal statement(PS) ,我们可以通过以下三篇优秀的哈佛大学优秀 essay 来了解下,如何撰写高质量的文章。第一篇申请美国哈佛大学的 Essay 范文,以音乐才能为主题,采用的是场景描述式来制造戏剧冲突,引起读者注意。Essay 题材类型为 talent。Essay 短文讲述了作者的才能:Music。“A special Performance“I stood behind the curtains listening to the applause to the previous act. I exhaled, realizing that this was a moment that fulfilled my childhood wish. Tonight was special because instead of an alto aria or a jazz lick, I had prepared a song unique to my identity. I curled my fingers around the microphone and waited impatiently as the curtains opened.My love for performance stemmed from my appreciation of music as a child. In the city in China where I spent the first ten years of my life, I never found a choir to join and never laid eyes on a grand piano. Nonetheless, I treasured my passion for song and sought ways to bring music into my life. I sang with our old record player when I was barely tall enough to reach it. On certain afternoons, my best friend and I would tape bed sheets to the ceiling as curtains and invite neighbors to come listen. There, we sang in duet, danced, and bowed while clasping each other's hands. Captured in our own musical sanctuary, we never noticed the hours that passed by.Music evokes in me the emotions that words and pictures cannot. I also revel in the intellectual challenges that music offers. I find it thrilling to tackle difficult, delicious repertoire, and I enjoy composing my own melodies. Through music, I can share and celebrate my past. When I was asked to share my cultural talents at my high school, I looked for a song that my mother sang when I was young, but I could not find the sheet music. A week before tonight, I sat down by the old piano in the practice room at school. With only the old tune ringing faintly in my mind, my hands soon took a life of their own and experimented with chords, arpeggios, and trills. I superimposed these on the original melody and composed variations. My voice, too, frolicked with the piano as I sang the tune repeatedly. I was lost in another musical paradise. I felt like a child again, tucked under the covers, listening to my mother's song as I drifted away to dreams.Now, dressed in an old Chinese dress that my mother had worn in her youth, I stepped onto the empty stage illuminated by pale blue light. I held the microphone up to my lips and smiled before starting. Then, I brought to life the beautiful ballad that had brightened my childhood in China. My mind overflowed with warm memories of that faraway city as I lulled the audience with my melody. When I caught my mother's face in the audience, I knew she nestled in the same air of nostalgia.Music allows me to present my native culture and contribute to the diversity in my community. It has stimulated my mind and provided an outlet for my creativity. To me, nothing is more pleasurable than being imaginative. Carrying my childhood love of music through my teenage years has been a gratifying experience, and I look forward to continuing in my undergraduate years.哈佛大学 Essay 申请范文分析与点评 AnalysisThe beauty of this student's essay is that she opens herself up to us, the readers. She starts with a catchy opening, explaining in rich detail how she is standing behind the curtain and why the night is especially meaningful to her. We can feel what she feels as she stands there. She gives a detailed visual description and explains her thoughts as well.The author then explains the roots of her interest in music. By sharing her childhood experience, she demonstrates how this has been a lifelong passion for her. We can imagine her as a child with her friend, putting on performances for the neighbors. Knowing how an author's interest in a given field of study began can add depth and dimension to the reader's overall characterization of the student.In the third paragraph, our musician shares what goes through her mind. This is valuable to admissions officers because they can see her ability to analyze her thoughts and her level of self awareness. Self refection demonstrates maturity and the capability to take a step back from a situation and see the deeper meaning of it. She explains why she is so tied to music and why it is an intellectual experience for her to recall her childhood song from memory and slowly piece it together.Through her essay, we understand why this specific performance holds such great meaning. We see the connection to her past and to her mother. She makes several accomplishments through her writing—sharing an extracurricular interest, touching on her childhood growing up in China, revealing the intellectual side of her talent, and showing the connection that she has to her heritage and her family. After reading this essay, the admissions officers probably felt that they had a deeper understanding of who this student was and that she was someone they'd like to get to know better.My Heart is BigWhoever meets me the first time shows sympathy to my appearance. I am 5, 6” tall but just 80 pounds. Even my parents are concerned with my emaciation. My mom always told people when I was bom I was only three poundsand I was diagnosed with a severe heart problem. Nobody expected I could survive long. It seems that the fact I have turned 18 is nothing but a miracle of God. At home, my parents tried to prevent me from any heavy labor but they were wrong. Yes, I am very thin but I am okay. In reality, I often surprise people who belittle me. I might look emaciated, but my heart had been big and I am strong now.On the basketball courtBoys, especially on the basketball court, would pay a big price for their misjudging of me. One day I was playing basketball by myself. A group of boys came to me and asked me to clear the court for them. “ Why should I do that? I came first and I am still playing, ” I refused their request. “Are you kidding me? You play basketball?” All of them started laughing at me. u Hey, you, do you dare to take a one-on-one with me?” Provoked by the boys, I picked the tallest one to be my opponent. Changing the speed, breaking through, and then a perfect hook shot, out of their expectations, I got one point easily. This is me, thin but not weak.As the monitorTeachers would show sympathy to my emaciated image. In the first day of senior year, nobody wanted to be the class monitor considering the heavy work load at this critical moment. When our new teacher was trying to find out what to do, I raised my hand, and said, “I want to be the monitor and I am confident I will do a great job.” After I volunteered to take the responsibility, the class fell into silence. I could see from my teacher’ s eyes that she doubted whether I was capable to do this job. “Give me three months probation period. If I fail, you could choose someone else,” I said to my teacher in a firm tone. It turned out that everyone’ s doubt was eliminated in the following three months because I kept everything in great order and our class was far ahead others in the evaluation of the whole grade. This is me, thin but not weak. www.fornow.cnAs the child of my parentsBelieve it or not even my parents were always underestimating my strength. In 9th grade, I was selected to be an exchange student in Singapore TanjongKatong Secondary School. Excited at the news, I told my parents immediately but they did not feel happy about it at all. Repeatedly they tried to persuade me out of this because they were worried about my health and they did not want me to go abroad alone. “Mom and Dad, you cannot protect me all the time. I can take care of myself. I promise. ” With great effort, I got their permission and spent a week alone in Singapore. I made friends with local students and I really enjoyed my life there. This is me, thin but not weak.Facing my futureWhen I decided to further my study in the United States, to my surprise my parents did not say “ no ” ; instead, they said that now they were convinced that their daughter was thin but not weak. I felt really grateful that my parents eventually saw the big heart in me. I don,t want to prove anything, but I don,t want to be belittled either. What I want to do is to be regarded as a normal person to share the same responsibilities and enjoy the same days.文章翻译:我的心很大每个人第一次见到我都会露出一副怜惜的神情。我有着一米六八的个头却只有 80 斤重。就连我的爸 爸妈妈也担心我太过瘦弱。妈妈经常对别人讲我出生的时候只有三斤多重,医生诊断我患有严重的心脏病。人们都觉得我活不了多久,而我现在活到了 18 岁可以说是一个奇迹。在家里,爸爸妈妈总是让我远 离一切繁重的劳动,但其实他们错了。我的确很瘦弱,但是我可以的。实际上,我经常让那些看轻我的 人感到惊讶。我可能看上去很瘦小,但其实我的心很大,这让我现在变得很强大。在篮球场上男生会因为对我做出错误的判断而付出很大的代价,特别是在篮球场上。一天我正在独自打篮 球。一群男孩冲我走过来让我腾出场地给他们玩。 “我为什么要这么做?我比你们先到,而且我还在玩 呢。 ”我拒绝了他们的要求。 “你开玩笑呢吧 ?你会打篮球? ”所有人都开始嘲笑我。 “嘿,你,你敢 不敢和我一对一来一场? ”我被这群男生激怒了,于是挑了其中最高的一个挑战。变速,突破,然后一 个完美的勾手投篮,出乎他们意料的,我轻松得分。这就是我,尽管瘦小,但却不软弱。作为班长老师们总是会因为我瘦弱的外形而对我投来同情的眼光。在高三年级开始的时候,大家都不愿意在这 个关键的时候担任班长的职务,承担繁重的班级工作。当我们的新老师不知所措的时候,我举起了手,对老师说:“我想要当班长,我有信心能够做好班级工作。 ”在我表示愿意承担班长的职责之后,全班陷入了一片 沉默。从老师的眼中我看到了对我能否做好这份工作的怀疑。 “给我三个月的试用期吧。如果我没能通过考 察,你可以再选择别人。”我用坚定的口吻对老师说。事实证明所有人的疑虑都是多余的,因为我让班里的 大小事务都条理分明,我们班也在年级的评比中位列前茅。这就是我,尽管瘦小,但却不软弱。作为爸爸妈妈的孩子不管你是否相信,我的爸爸妈妈经常低估我的能力。9 年级的时候,我被选中作为学生代表到新加坡 新民中学交换学习。得知这个消息我很兴奋,马上告诉了爸爸妈妈,然而他们却一点也不高兴。多少次他们试图说服我放'弃这次机会,因为他们不想要让我一个人出国学习。 “爸爸妈妈,你们不能总是保护我。 我可以自己照顾自己。我保证。 ”费了好大力气,我终于得到了他们的允许,在新加坡独自生活了一周。我 和当地学生成为了很好的朋友,我真的非常享受那里的生活。这就是我,尽管瘦小,但却不软弱。面对未来当我决定到美国深造的时候,我的爸爸妈妈出乎我意料的没有拒绝我。相反,他们告诉我现在他们相信他们的女儿尽管瘦小,但却不软弱。我非常感激爸爸妈妈终于看到其实我的心很大。我不想要证明 什么,但是我也不想要被轻视。我想要被当成普通人,像普通人一样承担责任,享受生活。【佳文精评】每个人可能都有被别人忽略的一面,每个人也可能都有想要证明自己的时候,区别就在于有的 人只是停留在言语上,而有的人就如作者一样一点一滴地用行动为自己正名。文章巧妙地运用了一组对比——身体的瘦小和心灵的强大,并且通过三个事例来支撑这种对比。小标题式的分段方法增 强了每个事例的故事性,也让每一个事例作为论据的说服力显著提升。结尾处通过爸爸妈妈对作者出国留学的态度肯定了作者为自己正名的成果,而作者也借机表露了自己的心声—— 尽管身体瘦 弱,但却足够强大去承担责任,享受生活。Signs of weakness, proof of strengthDare and the world always yields. If it beats you sometimes, dare it again and again and it will succumb. W.M Thackeray“800m.“are you kidding me?” Seeing the notice of P.E. test for High School Entrance Examination, I felt nothing but frustrated. The eight-hundred meter run might be an easy thing for other students but to me, it was an impossible task.Because I suffered from myocarditis when I was a kid, I could not afford to perform sports of high intensity. I still remember the first time I tried finishing an 800m test in the first year of middle school. It took me more than 5 minutes to get to the finishing line and I could feel that my heart was about to jump out of my mouth. After that, I was excluded from almost any kind of sports. Of course I could give up this P.E. test as well, but it meant I would lose 12 points in my total score of the High School Entrance Examination. I did not want that to happen. “I still have ten months. Perhaps I can create a miracle. ” I decided to take the test though I was not sure whether it would be the correct choice.With a crazy training plan, I started pursuing a miracle the next day. However things did not go on as easily as I expected it to be. Only after 200m, my heart started sending the “give up” signal. I could not breathe and it was really a terrible thing to hear the clear yet chaotic heartbeat in my chest. The fear of losing my breath forever forced me to stop. At that time I really felt like a loser.The same story took place in the following several days. I started my daily training with determination yet ended with disappointment and frustration. One day when I was about to give up once again, I saw a boy at the same age with me practicing walking with his twisted legs. In less than one minute, he must fall over three times or more. In my eyes, he could barely stand on his feet yet he was trying to walk without any assistance. I was so shocked by this scene that I did not realize I had stared at him for quite a long time until he noticed me.“ Sorry, but no offense. I just.“ ” hurriedly I apologized for being rude.“It’ s fine. ” He smiled to me, “besides, I am happy that someone has witnessed my big progress today. ”“ Big progress? ” I felt confused.“I just walked 10 steps, didn’ t you see that? One step was difficult enough for me, but I made it 10!” his voice was filled with pride. Those falls I just saw, which I took as signs of weakness, could also be taken as signs of strength. We all might have obstacles in front of us which are not easily overcome;as long as we still have the faith and courage with us, even setbacks and failures make us stronger people.Watching the boy practicing for his next big progress, I returned to my own training. “It,s true that today I can only finish 200m but tomorrow it will be 300m, then 400m…and one day it will be 800m.” I said to myself, more firmly than ever.Ten months later, I was standing behind the starting line of the P.E. test for the High School Entrance Examination. After the gun fired, I started making myself a miracle. I still clearly felt the chaotic heartbeats of my own but they were no longer signs of weakness; instead, they were the proof of my efforts to conquer the obstacles in my way.3 minutes 22 seconds, I made it. It was really a great thing to force the workl yield and feel myself being a stronger person.软弱的标志也是强大的体现倘若你足够勇敢,那么这个世界必会屈服。如果它偶尔击败你,那么再勇敢一点,直到它被你击垮。— 威 •梅•萨克雷“800 米……开玩笑吧? ”看到高中入学考试体育测试的通知,我感到无比沮丧。800 米跑或许对其 他同学来说无比轻松,但是对我来说却是件不可能完成的任务。我小的时候患上了心肌炎,因此我不能承受高强度的体育活动。我仍然记得在初中一年级我试图完成 800 米跑的测试。然而我花了五分钟的时间才到达终点,当时我感到我的心脏都快要从嘴里跳出来了。从那以后,我不再参加任何体育运动。当然我可以放弃这次体育测试,但这意味着我要在高考的总 分中丟掉 12 分。我不想这样。 “我还有十个月的时间。也许我可以创造奇迹吧。 ”尽管我不确定我是不 是做了一个正确的决定,但是我选择参加体育测试。从第二天开始,我给自己设计了一个疯狂的训练计划。但最初的时候事情并没有像我预期地那样顺利。仅仅跑了 200 米,我的心脏就发出了 “放弃” 的信号。我喘不上气,胸腔里不断发出的杂音让我感 到害怕。对呼吸骤停的恐惧让我不得不停下脚步。那一刻我感到自已像是个失败者。接下来的几天都是如此,我每天都决心十足地开始练习,但结果却是失望和沮丧。一天,当我再次准备放弃的时候,我看到一个和我差不多大的男孩正在练习用他扭曲的双腿走路。不到一分钟的时间 里,他摔倒了至少三次。在我看来,他很难用那双腿站立但是他却不停地努力不借助任何力量行走。我被这场景震惊了,我盯着他看了好久直到他留意到我的存在。“ 对不起,我不是有意的。我只是……”我赶忙为我的粗鲁道歉。“ 没关系。 ”他对我笑了笑, “再说,我很高兴有人能见证我今天的伟大进步。 ”“ 伟大进步? ”我一头雾水。“ 我刚刚走了 10 步呢,你没看到吗?走一步对我来说都无比困难,但是我却走了 10 步! ”他的声 音里满是自豪。在我眼中,那些摔倒是软弱的象征,而其实它们却也是强大的体现。我们的前方都会有很难逾越的障碍,但是只要我们仍然怀有信心和勇气,即便是失败和挫折也只会让我们成为更加强大的 人。看着这个男孩为他的下一个伟大进步而努力,我重新开始自己的训练。 “也许今天我只能完成 200 米,但是明天就会是 300 米,然后是 400 米……总有一天它会是 800 米。 ”我用前所未有的坚定口吻对自 己说。十个月之后;我站在了高中入学考试体育测试的 800 米起跑线上。枪响之后,我开始创造属于我的 奇迹。我仍然清晰地记得我体内那些凌乱的心跳声,但它们不再是软弱的象征,相反,它们是我为了克服障碍而付出的努力的见证。3 分 22 秒, 我成功了。感到世界在你面前屈服,感到自己成为一个更加强大的人的感觉的确很棒。【佳文精评】强烈的对比是本文的一大特色。 “强”和“ 弱”的对比是贯穿全文的主线,作者通过个人经历 和残疾小男孩的经历的结合重新定义了 “强”和“ 弱”,也让读者看到了生命的力量。无论是患 有心肌炎而无法跑完 800 米的作者还是因为腿疾而无法正常走路的小男孩都看似是在暴露自己的弱 点,然而换个角庚却能够发现他们身上强大的力量。小男孩举步维艰,但是却坚持着走完 10 步,而 当作者怀着同情心去看待他的努力,小男孩却自豪地向作者展示自己的“伟大进步” ,这样强烈的 对比不仅让读者和作者一起重新思考“强” 和“弱”的定义——生命的强大力量可能恰好蕴藏在它 看似最薄弱的地方。作者正是悟出了这个道理才得以重拾信心,创造属于自己的生命奇迹。
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